Posts tagged mauer

Mauer don't got any

What the hell is wrong with this kid? Someone needs to sit him down in front of Ari Gold for a few minutes to settle him straight and put things in perspective.

I honestly think Mr Mauer is not a humanoid like the rest of us. He is a cross of Ghandi and ET, there is something extra terrestrial about him. Last week in ESPN magazine they had a feature on how he responded to a random fan mail envelope with a whole personalized response to the guy why he couldn’t respond sooner. Here is Joe Mauer, winner of the MVP and Batting Crown apologizing to a Joe Phan about FAN MAIL. Which other human would actually do this?!

Now Mauer told The New York Times, he DOESN”T want to be the highest paid player. That’s like a movie star telling the studios he only will star in the film if it goes directly to DVD, he doesn’t want to be seen in theaters. Mauer has the opportunity to fill in a blank check with any number and any city to play in, and instead of adding zeroes the fucker is getting out his eraser and knocking a few off.

Joe, if your knees gave out in 2014 and the Twins were stuck paying you the 5 million dollar deal you brokered, they would still have no issues trading you, get the max deal that Arod got and stop playing Worlds Kindest Man. This is sports, start beating up people and living the high life.

I can’t imagine what the people of Haiti would say when told of Mauer turning down millions. They are probably burning all the Twins 2009 World Series shirts and sweaters they got from MLB last year.