The Lighter Side of Sports
Archive for January, 2010
Leinart to fill Warner’s void in Arizona…..
Jan 31st
Warner to Leinart is like Jordan to Hersy Hawkins, but Hawkins was a lot better then Leinart is.
It’s kind of funny how the Cardinals are going from a grocery packin college nobody who made it in the NFL after being anonymous for years, to a a guy who was the most celebrated college athlete and when he had the spotlight on him in the NFL has been nothing but a bust.
Sure it’s still early enough that Leinart could actually be more then what he has shown in his previous starts, but the leash won’t be too long until the Cardinal fans will be echoing for the good ol days of Jake Plummer!
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2011 videogame most realistic sim ever…
Jan 30th
When it comes to sports video games Tiger Woods EA Sports annual game has always been one of the best selling and best reviewed games. But the last few iterations of the Tiger Woods golf franchise were starting to receive some negative press due to the fact that the simulation was not as realistic as it should be. Well for all the doubters, the 2011 Tiger Woods game will put your doubts to rest. The Sports Clown got an in depth look at the newest franchise and this is by far the most realistic Tiger Woods simulation yet.
The game starts off with a story mode which has you controlling Tiger Woods and trying to avoid hitting a pump on the sidewalk while being pelted with shards of broken glass. The environment is FULLY interactive and every time any object hits Tiger he squirts massive amounts of blood. Your goal is to avoid getting into an accident and to try to duck and maneuver away from Elin’s clubs. The difficulty on this level is extremely tough and all ten tries my virtual Tiger Woods ended up getting beaten no matter how many times I mashed the buttons.
It’s like a mashup of Grand Theft Auto 4, the previous Tiger Woods games and the Sims 3. After Elin leaves you lying on the sidewalk, you get to use your phone to call over a hooker to comfort you. But unlike in the GTA 4 game, the hooker takes lots of your money, they have their attorneys present and no matter how much you beat them they don’t give it back.
The next chapter of the game has you holed up in a huge mansion with no exit doors and you have to spend a full month in there. The game won’t allow you to leave, but you are left with a cell phone which you can place calls to 18 different hookers! The hard part is convincing them all to come and not to spill the details to the gossip mags. It’s exactly like The Sims 3 in this aspect, if a hooker feels you weren’t really in love with them they will spill the details and you will have to stay longer at the mansion.
We didn’t see the entire game but we were told that following levels had you stuck in a massive Mississippi Sex Rehab Clinic and your goal over here was to try to get as many female phone numbers as possible for a nighttime rendezvous in the Clinic Lunchroom. In the rehab you could interact with many patients including a former politician John Edwards who for a few dollars tip gives you 5 phone numbers as leads.
You are wondering, sure GTA 4 and Sims 3 are great, but what about actual golfing? Well that is also included in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2011, in the clinic they have a miniature golf course with 18 Holes. It features a full rotating windmill and many awesome designs that will leave you wanting more…
10 years olds in Russia take their hockey VERY seriously….
Jan 30th
When showing this video to a bunch of American kids they were stunned. Absolutely shocked, with their jaws open. They asked me “do people actually give a shit about hockey?” They could not believe that a game in which no one plays in the United States unless they are born in igloos, can emote such passion and devotion. They equated this to having a massive 20 person brawl during a game of Steal the Salami. Sure the kids want to win, but to draw blood over the silly game? come on.
One of the kids asked me if Hockey can cause such a connection with other young kids how come their is no professional hockey league in the USA….
The best moments from my favorite sports show.
Jan 29th
For those of you who are not fimiliar with MXC aka Most Extreme elimination Challenge, its like Pros vs Joes without the pros or the boundaries of sports rules. If you dont know what Pros vs Joes is you spend too much time outdoors with society. The object of Joes vs Dignity is to push the limits of human sanity and entertain americans in a way only the Japanese know how.
Enjoy:
David Lee, raped by the NBA….
Jan 29th
You gotta be kidding me! Lee didn’t warrant an all star spot? I was so disturbed by this I called the authority’s to investigate this rapage that was done to Mr. Lee
Lee was snubbed from the all star team for the immortal Al Horford?! Lee outperformed Horford in nearly every statistical aspect that counts. It looked like the Eastern Conference would snap their 18 year whiteless all star player streak, but with the snub on Lee that streak will continue to go on until Larry Bird’s son gets drafted to the Pacers.
With the likes of undeserving all stars like Iverson, Garnett, Horford on the team, Lebron was saying he was embarrassed to join such an anemic squad.
But there is some hope for Lee to be called up as a replacement for one of the players if they back out. When Iverson was sent a memo by the league that he will have to attend practice for the all star game he responded with this….
Though Lee was pissed about missing out on the game the league stretched out their warm hands and offered Lee a spot on the glorious NBA/WNBA dribbling,passing,running,hopping and dancing competition held right before the game.
Favre to decide whether or not he will flip flop this offseason.
Jan 28th
Its that time of year again. The fans are locked in, the media covering the event and breaking down all angles, even the president makes his pick.
WWBD… What Will Brett Do?
It started at the end of the 06 campaign when he decided to stay undecided till late august. Again after 07, throwing an interception as his last pass didn’t sit well with him, after retiring twice and prematurely donating his throwing shoulder to save a young mans life Brett decided that wasn’t the way wanted to go out. he promptly unretired again and demanded his shoulder back. Too bad he would have identical fate with the Jets in 08 after throwing his last meaningful pass to the Dolphins defense (in a big spot with minutes remaining. he would throw an incomplete hail mary afterwards as his last pass of the year). The fans were then treated to yet another special treat, a summer of indecon. The 09 finale took the cake; the riverboat gambling gunslinger showed his true colors(if your tallying they include 2 shades of green and purple so far) and gave away the chance to return to the Superbowl.
This offseason Brett is unsure whether he will be unsure. when asked if he would drag the decision’ to come back or not’ or not Brett said “Maybe”. the early indication is that he is still feeling the affects of a long season so its too early to tell if he really wants to stay undecided or ifs a feeling that will pass once he gets away from the daily grind. Obviously this is a difficult process for the 2 time Superbowl champ. I sat down with Brett for a sportsclown exclusive and tried to get him to tip his hand “It would be easy to tell yall what i think about making a decision and stickin with it based on how i feel today but who knows i may just change my mind…what was the question?”.
Big Daddy — out
Made up Quote of the day!
Jan 27th
Rangers look to break 15 Year old scoreless streak.
Jan 27th
Hey everyone,
This is my 1st post here at the sportsclown, I’m as nervous as i was the 1st time i had sex and just like then I’m sitting in a dark room all by myself. You may recognize my lesser known works under the fictious name Peter Gammons on espn.com but you can start finding me exclusively here at Thesportsclown.com thanks to a multi year deal that includes medical insurance from the Mets, my choice of weapon from Gilbert’s arsenal, and a stipulation that will have Zach Pappidakis do play by play of my everyday life. “OHHH! He completely destroyed that burger! Mercy!” Thats something money cant buy.
Speaking of things that money cant buy, enjoy the following:
Obviously this is these are the proudest moments in Rangers history but if you refer to the 7:55 mark of the video you will see the last goal the Rangers have scored. Considering the list of high profile goal scorers brought in to break this streak (Gretzky, Lindross, Bure, Kovalev, Jagr, Shanahan, Holik, Gomez, Drury, Gaborik) it is simply amazing that this record still stands. While they have been shut out by the likes of Patrick Roy and Martin Brodeur, they have failed to crack such established netminders like Petr Varlamov and Mike Brodeur (martys cousin in only his 3rd start), even failed to score against the oilers who lost both goalies to injury and played 2 periods with an empty net (look it up). Outside of the New Jersey Nets consecutive attendanceless record spanning the last 17 years this goal drought is one of the most impressive in all of sports and will certainly stand for a long long time.
Big Daddy — out
Arenas meets with King Stern, says he deserves Full Year Suspension….
Jan 27th
At least the dude finally wised up and said something meaningful. Can’t understand how he won’t get more then 6 months jail time at most while Plaxico Burress is sitting two years in a joint for accidentally shooting himself in the leg. Had Plaxico had 4 guns with him at the time of the shooting maybe he would have gotten off lighter….
Talk is the Wizards could null and void Arenas 100+ million contract over this fiasco. Talk about learning a lesson, Arenas will be hesitant to use a super soaker from now on.
