The Lighter Side of Sports
Fake News Updates
Ben Roethlisberter or Rapelisberger accused of second rape in year…
Mar 8th
Big Ben is on a mission to prove that not only can NBA stars get away with raping. After seeing how well off Kobe Bryant is now 5 years removed from his Colorado raping, Big Ben said “I will double Kobe and be twice as powerful.”
Ben said that if he gets away with a second raping he should be the most celebrated Rapist ever because of his past rape charge. He equated it to committing a second bank robbery when you already had a “Most Wanted” poster in the same bank you were holding up a second time.
Mr. Roethlisberger said he would cooperate with cops and investigators but only if they would specify which rape they were talking about during questioning.
Big Ben might be resorting to this raping behavior because of his upbringing. He recently told a close confidant that “My mother never loved me, she always said she wish she was raped by another woman.”
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2011 videogame most realistic sim ever…
Jan 30th
When it comes to sports video games Tiger Woods EA Sports annual game has always been one of the best selling and best reviewed games. But the last few iterations of the Tiger Woods golf franchise were starting to receive some negative press due to the fact that the simulation was not as realistic as it should be. Well for all the doubters, the 2011 Tiger Woods game will put your doubts to rest. The Sports Clown got an in depth look at the newest franchise and this is by far the most realistic Tiger Woods simulation yet.
The game starts off with a story mode which has you controlling Tiger Woods and trying to avoid hitting a pump on the sidewalk while being pelted with shards of broken glass. The environment is FULLY interactive and every time any object hits Tiger he squirts massive amounts of blood. Your goal is to avoid getting into an accident and to try to duck and maneuver away from Elin’s clubs. The difficulty on this level is extremely tough and all ten tries my virtual Tiger Woods ended up getting beaten no matter how many times I mashed the buttons.
It’s like a mashup of Grand Theft Auto 4, the previous Tiger Woods games and the Sims 3. After Elin leaves you lying on the sidewalk, you get to use your phone to call over a hooker to comfort you. But unlike in the GTA 4 game, the hooker takes lots of your money, they have their attorneys present and no matter how much you beat them they don’t give it back.
The next chapter of the game has you holed up in a huge mansion with no exit doors and you have to spend a full month in there. The game won’t allow you to leave, but you are left with a cell phone which you can place calls to 18 different hookers! The hard part is convincing them all to come and not to spill the details to the gossip mags. It’s exactly like The Sims 3 in this aspect, if a hooker feels you weren’t really in love with them they will spill the details and you will have to stay longer at the mansion.
We didn’t see the entire game but we were told that following levels had you stuck in a massive Mississippi Sex Rehab Clinic and your goal over here was to try to get as many female phone numbers as possible for a nighttime rendezvous in the Clinic Lunchroom. In the rehab you could interact with many patients including a former politician John Edwards who for a few dollars tip gives you 5 phone numbers as leads.
You are wondering, sure GTA 4 and Sims 3 are great, but what about actual golfing? Well that is also included in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2011, in the clinic they have a miniature golf course with 18 Holes. It features a full rotating windmill and many awesome designs that will leave you wanting more…
Breaking NEWS!!! Chargers to replace kicker Kaeding with Vincent Jackson……
Jan 24th
Norv Turner just got a contract extension on Monday and already he is vowing to make daring changes to his squad. Just days after botching two chipshot field goals vs the NY Jets, the Chargers decided to cut kicker Nate Kaeding and to replace him with Pro Bowl wide receiver Vincent Jackson.
The plan is to have Jackson play WR as he normally would but he would also have the kicking duties for extra points and field goals. Though this might be controversial to some since Jackson has never kicked a football in a real game situation, Chargers GM AJ Smith explained the rationale behind this seemingly bizarre decision.
“We looked at the game tape of the loss on Sunday many times, our scouts picked up on the perfect form Jackson kicked the flag with on Sunday. Besides the fact that his hind leg and his form was perfect, there were only three minutes left in the game, you know what kind of pressure he was under? That is some of the quality’s you can’t teach a kicker. Jackson was born to catch and kick.”
Jackson in frustration because he caught a long pass from Phillip Rivers and was ticked off that Rex Ryan had the audacity to throw a red flag onto his field let loose and kicked the flag very hard, thus earning an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. What he wasn’t aware of at the time was that he earned himself a second job for the 2010 season and an extra 375K to his already large contract.
When Jackson was asked how he would prepare for the kicking role he responded “let’s face it, kickers only need to practice one hour a week, and that is for fake field goal formations. Coach promised me I won’t have to make any fake field goal attempts so I can focus 100% on the receiving part of my game.”
We tried to ask the former kicker of the Chargers, Nate Kaeding for a comment on this story but he viciously ran at us and kicked at us. His kick was not as he intended and he ended up sending his two kittens he was playing with at the time to the veterinarian with spinal injury’s.
Jets still undecided if they will field a QB vs Colts…..
Jan 21st
The key to winning a super bowl is defense and a sustained ground attack. Rex Ryan reiterated again last night that he was still not sure what he was going to do about the QB position on Sunday vs the Colts in the AFC Championship game. “Lets face it, everyone knows we are running the ball anyways, why do we need a decoy that everyone knows is only a decoy?” The plan in place was to have an extra TE hand the ball off to one of the Jets two running backs and have the TE block along with the offensive linemen and the Fullback.
While not fielding a quarterback is a risky proposition, the 2000 Baltimore Ravens were able to win a Super Bowl, without having a QB on the field for any play other then the required QB kneel down at the end of the game. Their QB they had on the roster, Trent Dilfer agreed with the sentiment that he could only hurt the team by throwing thus he was ok with his demotion to watching a running back constantly get the snap.
The Jets QB on the roster Mark “snap and give to Half Back Immediately” Sanchez might not be so accommodating to the demotion. When told of the possible plans Sanchez said “It’s bullshit that’s what it is, no one can hand the ball over to Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene like I could, no one. I put a lot of time in practice in my dropback to handoff routine and I should be the one doing it on Sunday.”
Sanchez also reiterated that if Rex Ryan does go with the controversial plan he would still like to be on the field for the coin flip selection so he can at least in some ways be a part of the game. “Along with studying the handoff formations I have analyzed the propensity of the coin flip towards a certain side, and I feel I am the best man for the selection of heads or tails.
Ryan did add that no matter what decision he makes regarding Sanchez on Sunday, the rookie QB will still get his normal amount of hot dogs on the sidelines…….
